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modeste mignon-第27部分

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  the will; the power to make my own unhappiness; and I use them; as

  did my mother; who; won by beauty and led by instinct; married the

  most generous; the most liberal; the most loving of men。 I know

  that you are free; a poet; and noble…looking。 Be sure that I

  should not have chosen one of your brothers in Apollo who was

  already married。 If my mother was won by beauty; which is perhaps

  the spirit of form; why should I not be attracted by the spirit

  and the form united? Shall I not know you better by studying you

  in this correspondence than I could through the vulgar experience

  of 〃receiving your addresses〃? This is the question; as Hamlet

  says。



  But my proceedings; dear Chrysale; have at least the merit of not

  binding us personally。 I know that love has its illusions; and

  every illusion its to…morrow。 That is why there are so many

  partings among lovers vowed to each other for life。 The proof of

  love lies in two things;suffering and happiness。 When; after

  passing through these double trials of life two beings have shown

  each other their defects as well as their good qualities; when

  they have really observed each other's character; then they may go

  to their grave hand in hand。 My dear Argante; who told you that

  our little drama thus begun was to have no future? In any case

  shall we not have enjoyed the pleasures of our correspondence?



  I await your orders; monseigneur; and I am with all my heart;



Your handmaiden;



O。 d'Este M。





  To Mademoiselle O。 d'Este M。;You are a witch; a spirit; and I

  love you! Is that what you desire of me; most original of girls?

  Perhaps you are only seeking to amuse your provincial leisure with

  the follies which are you able to make a poet commit。 If so; you

  have done a bad deed。 Your two letters have enough of the spirit

  of mischief in them to force this doubt into the mind of a

  Parisian。 But I am no longer master of myself; my life; my future

  depend on the answer you will make me。 Tell me if the certainty of

  an unbounded affection; oblivious of all social conventions; will

  touch you;if you will suffer me to seek you。 There is anxiety

  enough and uncertainty enough in the question as to whether I can

  personally please you。 If your reply is favorable I change my

  life; I bid adieu to all the irksome pleasures which we have the

  folly to call happiness。 Happiness; my dear and beautiful unknown;

  is what you dream it to be;a fusion of feelings; a perfect

  accordance of souls; the imprint of a noble ideal (such as God

  does permit us to form in this low world) upon the trivial round

  of daily life whose habits we must needs obey; a constancy of

  heart more precious far than what we call fidelity。 Can we say

  that we make sacrifices when the end in view is our eternal good;

  the dream of poets; the dream of maidens; the poem which; at the

  entrance of life when thought essays its wings; each noble

  intellect has pondered and caressed only to see it shivered to

  fragments on some stone of stumbling as hard as it is vulgar?for

  to the great majority of men; the foot of reality steps instantly

  on that mysterious egg so seldom hatched。



  I cannot speak to you any more of myself; not of my past life; nor

  of my character; nor of an affection almost maternal on one side;

  filial on mine; which you have already seriously changedan

  effect upon my life which must explain my use of the word

  〃sacrifice。〃 You have already rendered me forgetful; if not

  ungrateful; does that satisfy you? Oh; speak! Say to me one word;

  and I will love you till my eyes close in death; as the Marquis de

  Pescaire loved his wife; as Romeo loved Juliet; and faithfully。

  Our life will be; for me at least; that 〃felicity untroubled〃

  which Dante made the very element of his Paradiso;a poem far

  superior to his Inferno。 Strange; it is not myself that I doubt in

  the long reverie through which; like you; I follow the windings of

  a dreamed existence; it is you。 Yes; dear; I feel within me the

  power to love; and to love endlessly;to march to the grave with

  gentle slowness and a smiling eye; with my beloved on my arm; and

  with never a cloud upon the sunshine of our souls。 Yes; I dare to

  face our mutual old age; to see ourselves with whitening heads;

  like the venerable historian of Italy; inspired always with the

  same affection but transformed in soul by our life's seasons。 Hear

  me; I can no longer be your friend only。 Though Chrysale; Geronte;

  and Argante re…live; you say; in me; I am not yet old enough to

  drink from the cup held to my lips by the sweet hands of a veiled

  woman without a passionate desire to tear off the domino and the

  mask and see the face。 Either write me no more; or give me hope。

  Let me see you; or let me go。 Must I bid you adieu? Will you

  permit me to sign myself;



Your Friend?





  To Monsieur de Canalis;What flattery! with what rapidity is the

  grave Anselme transformed into a handsome Leander! To what must I

  attribute such a change? to this black which I put upon this

  white? to these ideas which are to the flowers of my soul what a

  rose drawn in charcoal is to the roses in the garden? Or is it to

  a recollection of the young girl whom you took for me; and who is

  personally as like me as a waiting…woman is like her mistress?

  Have we changed roles? Have I the sense? have you the fancy? But a

  truce with jesting。



  Your letter has made me know the elating pleasures of the soul;

  the first that I have known outside of my family affections。 What;

  says a poet; are the ties of blood which are so strong in ordinary

  minds; compared to those divinely forged within us by mysterious

  sympathies? Let me thank youno; we must not thank each other for

  such thingsbut God bless you for the happiness you have given

  me; be happy in the joy you have shed into my soul。 You explain to

  me some of the apparent injustices in social life。 There is

  something; I know not what; so dazzling; so virile in glory; that

  it belongs only to man; God forbids us women to wear its halo; but

  he makes love our portion; giving us the tenderness which soothes

  the brow scorched by his lightnings。 I have felt my mission; and

  you have now confirmed it。



  Sometimes; my friend; I rise in the morning in a state of

  inexpressible sweetness; a sort of peace; tender and divine; gives

  me an idea of heaven。 My first thought is then like a benediction。

  I call these mornings my little German wakings; in opposition to

  my Southern sunsets; full of heroic deeds; battles; Roman fetes

  and ardent poems。 Well; after reading your letter; so full of

  feverish impatience; I felt in my heart all the freshness of my

  celestial wakings; when I love the air about me and all nature;

  and fancy that I am destined to die for one I love。 One of your

  poems; 〃The Maiden's Son
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