father goriot(高老头)-第74部分

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　feel　it　at　all。Do　you　think　that　they　are　on　the　way？　Christophe　is　so　stupid；　I　ought　to　have　gone　myself。　HE　will　see　them。　But　you　went　to　the　ball　yesterday；　just　tell　me　how　they　looked。　They　did　not　know　that　I　was　ill；　did　they；　or　they　would　not　have　been　dancing；　poor　little　things？　Oh！　I　must　not　be　ill　any　longer。　They　stand　too　much　in　need　of　me；　their　fortunes　are　in　danger。　And　such　husbands　as　they　are　bound　to！　I　must　get　well！　（Oh！　what　pain　this　is！　what　pain　this　is！　。　。　。　ah！　ah！）I　must　get　well；　you　see；　for　they　MUST　have　money；　and　I　know　how　to　set　about　making　some。　I　will　go　to　Odessa　and　manufacture　starch　there。　I　am　an　old　hand；　I　will　make　millions。　（Oh！　this　is　agony！）〃

Goriot　was　silent　for　a　moment；　it　seemed　to　require　his　whole　strength　to　endure　the　pain。

〃If　they　were　here；　I　should　not　complain；〃　he　said。　〃So　why　should　I　complain　now？〃

He　seemed　to　grow　drowsy　with　exhaustion；　and　lay　quietly　for　a　long　time。　Christophe　came　back；　and　Rastignac；　thinking　that　Goriot　was　asleep；　allowed　the　man　to　give　his　story　aloud。

〃First　of　all；　sir；　I　went　to　Madame　la　Comtesse；〃　he　said；　〃but　she　and　her　husband　were　so　busy　that　I　couldn't　get　to　speak　to　her。　When　I　insisted　that　I　must　see　her；　M。　de　Restaud　came　out　to　me　himself；　and　went　on　like　this：　'M。　Goriot　is　dying；　is　he？　Very　well；　it　is　the　best　thing　he　can　do。　I　want　Mme。　de　Restaud　to　transact　some　important　business；　when　it　is　all　finished　she　can　go。'　The　gentleman　looked　angry；　I　thought。　I　was　just　going　away　when　Mme。　de　Restaud　came　out　into　an　ante…chamber　through　a　door　that　I　did　not　notice；　and　said；　'Christophe；　tell　my　father　that　my　husband　wants　me　to　discuss　some　matters　with　him；　and　I　cannot　leave　the　house；　the　life　or　death　of　my　children　is　at　stake；　but　as　soon　as　it　is　over；　I　will　come。'　As　for　Madame　la　Baronne；　that　is　another　story！　I　could　not　speak　to　her　either；　and　I　did　not　even　see　her。　Her　waiting…woman　said；　'Ah　yes；　but　madame　only　came　back　from　a　ball　at　a　quarter　to　five　this　morning；　she　is　asleep　now；　and　if　I　wake　her　before　mid…day　she　will　be　cross。　As　soon　as　she　rings；　I　will　go　and　tell　her　that　her　father　is　worse。　It　will　be　time　enough　then　to　tell　her　bad　news！'　I　begged　and　I　prayed；　but；　there！　it　was　no　good。　Then　I　asked　for　M。　le　Baron；　but　he　was　out。〃

〃To　think　that　neither　of　his　daughters　should　come！〃　exclaimed　Rastignac。　〃I　will　write　to　them　both。〃

〃Neither　of　them！〃　cried　the　old　man；　sitting　upright　in　bed。　〃They　are　busy；　they　are　asleep；　they　will　not　come！　I　knew　that　they　would　not。　Not　until　you　are　dying　do　you　know　your　children。　。　。　。　Oh！　my　friend；　do　not　marry；　do　not　have　children！　You　give　them　life；　they　give　you　your　deathblow。　You　bring　them　into　the　world；　and　they　send　you　out　of　it。　No；　they　will　not　come。　I　have　known　that　these　ten　years。　Sometimes　I　have　told　myself　so；　but　I　did　not　dare　to　believe　it。〃

The　tears　gathered　and　stood　without　overflowing　the　red　sockets。

〃Ah！　if　I　were　rich　still；　if　I　had　kept　my　money；　if　I　had　not　given　all　to　them；　they　would　be　with　me　now；　they　would　fawn　on　me　and　cover　my　cheeks　with　their　kisses！　I　should　be　living　in　a　great　mansion；　I　should　have　grand　apartments　and　servants　and　a　fire　in　my　room；　and　THEY　would　be　about　me　all　in　tears；　and　their　husbands　and　their　children。　I　should　have　had　all　that；　nowI　have　nothing。　Money　brings　everything　to　you；　even　your　daughters。　My　money。　Oh！　where　is　my　money？　If　I　had　plenty　of　money　to　leave　behind　me；　they　would　nurse　me　and　tend　me；　I　should　hear　their　voices；　I　should　see　their　faces。　Ah；　God！　who　knows？　They　both　of　them　have　hearts　of　stone。　I　loved　them　too　much；　it　was　not　likely　that　they　should　love　me。　A　father　ought　always　to　be　rich；　he　ought　to　keep　his　children　well　in　hand；　like　unruly　horses。　I　have　gone　down　on　my　knees　to　them。　Wretches！　this　is　the　crowning　act　that　brings　the　last　ten　years　to　a　proper　close。　If　you　but　knew　how　much　they　made　of　me　just　after　they　were　married。　（Oh！　this　is　cruel　torture！）　I　had　just　given　them　each　eight　hundred　thousand　francs；　they　were　bound　to　be　civil　to　me　after　that；　and　their　husbands　too　were　civil。　I　used　to　go　to　their　houses：　it　was　'My　kind　father'　here；　'My　dear　father'　there。　There　was　always　a　place　for　me　at　their　tables。　I　used　to　dine　with　their　husbands　now　and　then；　and　they　were　very　respectful　to　me。　I　was　still　worth　something；　they　thought。　How　should　they　know？　I　had　not　said　anything　about　my　affairs。　It　is　worth　while　to　be　civil　to　a　man　who　has　given　his　daughters　eight　hundred　thousand　francs　apiece；　and　they　showed　me　every　attention　thenbut　it　was　all　for　my　money。　Grand　people　are　not　great。　I　found　that　out　by　experience！　I　went　to　the　theatre　with　them　in　their　carriage；　I　might　stay　as　long　as　I　cared　to　stay　at　their　evening　parties。　In　fact；　they　acknowleged　me　their　father；　publicly　they　owned　that　they　were　my　daughters。　But　I　was　always　a　shrewd　one；　you　see；　and　nothing　was　lost　upon　me。　Everything　went　straight　to　the　mark　and　pierced　my　heart。　I　saw　quite　well　that　it　was　all　sham　and　pretence；　but　there　is　no　help　for　such　things　as　these。　I　felt　less　at　my　ease　at　their　dinner…table　than　I　did　downstairs　here。　I　had　nothing　to　say　for　myself。　So　these　grand　folks　would　ask　in　my　son…in…law's　ear；　'Who　may　that　gentleman　be？''The　father…in…law　with　the　money　bags；　he　is　very　rich。''The　devil；　e　is！'　they　would　say；　and　look　again　at　me　with　the　respect　due　to　my　money。　Well；　if　I　was　in　the　way　sometimes；　I　paid　dearly　for　my　mistakes。　And　besides；　who　is　perfect？　（My　head　is　one　sore！）　Dear　Monsieur　Eugene；　I　am　suffering　so　now；　that　a　man　might　die　of　the　pain；　but　it　is　nothing　to　be　compared　with　the　pain　I　endured　when　Anastasie　made　me　feel；　for　the　first　time；　that　I　had　said　something　stupid。　She　looked　at　me；　and　that　glance　of　hers　opened　all　my　veins。　I　used　to　want　to　know　everything；　to　be　learned；　and　one　thing　I　did　learn　thoroughly　I　knew　that　I　was　not　wanted　here　on　earth。

〃The　next　day　I　went　to　Delphine　for　comfort；　and　what　should　I　do　there　but　make　some　stupid　blunder　that　made　her　angry　with　me。　I　was　like　one　driven　out　of　his　senses。　For　a　week　I　did　not　know　what　to　do；　I　did　not　dare　to　go　to　see　them　for　fear　they　should　reproach　me。　And　that　was　how　they　both　turned　me　out　of　the　house。

〃Oh　God！　Thou　knowest　all　the　misery　and　anguish　that　I　have　endured；　Thou　hast　counted　all　the　wounds　that　have　been　dealt　to　me　in　these　years　that　have　aged　and　changed　me　and　whitened　my　hair　and　drained　my　life；　why　dost　Thou　make　me　to　suffer　so　to…　day？　Have　I　not　more　than　expiated　the　sin　of　loving　them　too　much？　They　themselves　have　been　the　instruments　of　vengeance；　they　have　tortured　me　for　my　sin　of　affection。

〃Ah；　well！　fathers　know　no　better；　I　loved　them　so；　I　went　back　to　them　as　a　gambler　goes　to　the　gaming　table。　This　love　was　my　vice；　you　see；　my　mistressthey　were　everything　in　the　world　to　me。　They　were　always　wanting　something　or　other；　dresses　and　ornaments；　and　what　not；　their　maids　used　to　tell　me　what　they　wanted；　and　I　used　to　give　them　the　things　for　the　sake　of　the　welcome　that　they　b