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the essays of montaigne, v15-第19部分

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declination; its fits and intermissions: a man does not always hold on
at the same rate。  I have been so sparing of my promises; that I think
I have been better than my word。  They have found me faithful even to
service of their inconstancy; a confessed and sometimes multiplied
inconstancy。  I never broke with them; whilst I had any hold at all; and
what occasion soever they have given me; never broke with them to hatred
or contempt; for such privacies; though obtained upon never so scandalous
terms; do yet oblige to some good will: I have sometimes; upon their
tricks and evasions; discovered a little indiscreet anger and impatience;
for I am naturally subject to rash emotions; which; though light and
short; often spoil my market。  At any time they have consulted my
judgment; I never stuck to give them sharp and paternal counsels; and to
pinch them to the quick。  If I have left them any cause to complain of
me; 'tis rather to have found in me; in comparison of the modern use; a
love foolishly conscientious than anything else。  I have kept my; word in
things wherein I might easily have been dispensed; they sometimes
surrendered themselves with reputation; and upon articles that they were
willing enough should be broken by the conqueror: I have; more than once;
made pleasure in its greatest effort strike to the interest of their
honour; and where reason importuned me; have armed them against myself;
so that they ordered themselves more decorously and securely by my rules;
when they frankly referred themselves to them; than they would have done
by their own。  I have ever; as much as I could; wholly taken upon myself
alone the hazard of our assignations; to acquit them; and have always
contrived our meetings after the hardest and most unusual manner; as less
suspected; and; moreover; in my opinion; more accessible。  They are
chiefly more open; where they think they are most securely shut; things
least feared are least interdicted and observed; one may more boldly dare
what nobody thinks you dare; which by its difficulty becomes easy。  Never
had any man his approaches more impertinently generative; this way of
loving is more according to discipline but how ridiculous it is to our
people; and how ineffectual; who better knows than I? yet I shall not
repent me of it; I have nothing there more to lose:

                        〃Me tabula sacer
                         Votiva paries; indicat uvida
                         Suspendisse potenti
                         Vestimenta maris deo:〃

     '〃 The holy wall; by my votive table; shows that I have hanged up my
     wet clothes in honour of the powerful god of the sea。〃
     Horace; Od。; i。  5; 13。'

'tis now time to speak out。  But as I might; per adventure; say to
another; 〃 Thou talkest idly; my friend; the love of thy time has little
commerce with faith and integrity;〃

              〃Haec si tu postules
               Ratione certa facere; nihilo plus agas;
               Quam si des operam; ut cum ratione insanias:〃

     '〃If you seek to make these things certain by reason; you will do no
     more than if you should seek to be mad in your senses。〃
     Terence; Eun。; act i。; sc。  i; v。 16。'

on the contrary; also; if it were for me to begin again; certainly it
should be by the same method and the same progress; how fruitless soever
it might be to me; folly and insufficiency are commendable in an
incommendable action: the farther I go from their humour in this; I
approach so much nearer to my own。  As to the rest; in this traffic; I
did not suffer myself to be totally carried away; I pleased myself in it;
but did not forget myself。  I retained the little sense and discretion
that nature has given me; entire for their service and my own: a little
emotion; but no dotage。  My conscience; also; was engaged in it; even to
debauch and licentiousness; but; as to ingratitude; treachery; malice;
and cruelty; never。  I would not purchase the pleasure of this vice at
any price; but content myself with its proper and simple cost:

                    〃Nullum intra se vitium est。〃

          '〃Nothing is a vice in itself。〃Seneca; Ep。; 95。'

I almost equally hate a stupid and slothful laziness; as I do a toilsome
and painful employment; this pinches; the other lays me asleep。  I like
wounds as well as bruises; and cuts as well as dry blows。  I found in
this commerce; when I was the most able for it; a just moderation betwixt
these extremes。  Love is a sprightly; lively; and gay agitation; I was
neither troubled nor afflicted with it; but heated; and moreover;
disordered; a man must stop there; it hurts nobody but fools。  A young
man asked the philosopher Panetius if it were becoming a wise man to be
in love?  〃Let the wise man look to that;〃 answered he; 〃but let not thou
and I; who are not so; engage ourselves in so stirring and violent an
affair; that enslaves us to others; and renders us contemptible to
ourselves。〃  He said true that we are not to intrust a thing so
precipitous in itself to a soul that has not wherewithal to withstand its
assaults and disprove practically the saying of Agesilaus; that prudence
and love cannot live together。  'Tis a vain employment; 'tis true;
unbecoming; shameful; and illegitimate; but carried on after this manner;
I look upon it as wholesome; and proper to enliven a drowsy soul and to
rouse up a heavy body; and; as an experienced physician; I would
prescribe it to a man of my form and condition; as soon as any other
recipe whatever; to rouse and keep him in vigour till well advanced in
years; and to defer the approaches of age。  Whilst we are but in the
suburbs; and that the pulse yet beats:

         〃Dum nova canities; dum prima et recta senectus;
          Dum superest lachesi quod torqueat; et pedibus me
          Porto meis; nullo dextram subeunte bacillo;〃

     'Whilst the white hair is new; whilst old age is still straight
     shouldered; whilst there still remains something for Lachesis to
     spin; whilst I walk on my own legs; and need no staff to lean upon。〃
     Juvenal; iii。 26。'

we have need to be solicited and tickled by some such nipping incitation
as this。  Do but observe what youth; vigour; and gaiety it inspired the
good Anacreon withal: and Socrates; who was then older than I; speaking
of an amorous object:

〃Leaning;〃 said he; 〃my shoulder to her shoulder; and my head to hers; as
we were reading together in a book; I felt; without dissembling; a sudden
sting in my shoulder like the biting of an insect; which I still felt
above five days after; and a continual itching crept into my heart。〃  So
that merely the accidental touch; and of a shoulder; heated and altered a
soul cooled and enerved by age; and the strictest liver of all mankind。
And; pray; why not?  Socrates was a man; and would neither be; nor seem;
any other thing。  Philosophy does not contend against natural pleasures;
provided they be moderate; and only preaches moderation; not a total
abstinence; the power of its resistance is employed against those that
are adulterate and strange。  Philosophy says that the appetites of the
body ought not to be augmented
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