the story of an african farm-第53部分

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〃Of　course　it's　nothing　to　me；　but　for　Em's　sake　I　can't　help　feeling　an

interest　in　her；　however　much　I　may　dislike　her　myself；　and　I　hope　she's　up

to　nothing。　　I　pity　the　man　who　marries　her；　I　wouldn't　be　him　for

anything。　　If　I　had　a　wife　with　pride　I'd　make　her　give　it　up；　sharp。　　I

don't　believe　in　a　man　who　can't　make　a　woman　obey　him。　　Now　EmI'm　very

fond　of　her；　as　you　knowbut　if　I　tell　her　to　put　on　a　certain　dress；　that

dress　she　puts　on；　and　if　I　tell　her　to　sit　on　a　certain　seat；　on　that　seat

she　sits；　and　if　I　tell　her　not　to　speak　to　a　certain　individual；　she　does

not　speak　to　them。　　If　a　man　lets　a　woman　do　what　he　doesn't　like　he's　a

muff。



〃Give　my　love　to　mother　and　the　children。　　The　veld　here　is　looking　pretty

good；　and　the　sheep　are　better　since　we　washed　them。　　Tell　father　the　dip

he　recommended　is　very　good。



〃Em　sends　her　love　to　you。　　She　is　making　me　some　woollen　shirts；　but　they

don't　fit　me　so　nicely　as　those　mother　made　me。



〃Write　soon　to



〃Your　loving　brother；　　Gregory。



〃P。S。She　drove　past　just　now；　I　was　sitting　on　the　kraal　wall　right

before　her　eyes；　and　she　never　even　bowed。　　G。N。R。〃





Chapter　2。VI。　　A　Boer…wedding。



〃I　didn't　know　before　you　were　so　fond　of　riding　hard；〃　said　Gregory　to　his

little　betrothed。



They　were　cantering　slowly　on　the　road　to　Oom　Muller's　on　the　morning　of

the　wedding。



〃Do　you　call　this　riding　hard？〃　asked　Em　in　some　astonishment。



〃Of　course　I　do！　　It's　enough　to　break　the　horses'　necks；　and　knock　one　up

for　the　whole　day　besides；〃　he　added　testily；　then　twisted　his　head　to　look

at　the　buggy　that　came　on　behind。　　〃I　thought　Waldo　was　such　a　mad　driver；

they　are　taking　it　easily　enough　today；〃　said　Gregory。　　〃One　would　think

the　black　stallions　were　lame。〃



〃I　suppose　they　want　to　keep　out　of　our　dust；〃　said　Em。　　〃See；　they　stand

still　as　soon　as　we　do。〃



Perceiving　this　to　be　the　case；　Gregory　rode　on。



〃It's　all　that　horse　of　yours：　　she　kicks　up　such　a　confounded　dust；　I

can't　stand　it　myself；〃　he　said。



Meanwhile　the　cart　came　on　slowly　enough。



〃Take　the　reins；〃　said　Lyndall；　and　〃and　make　them　walk。　　I　want　to　rest

and　watch　their　hoofs　todaynot　to　be　exhilarated；　I　am　so　tired。〃



She　leaned　back　in　her　corner；　and　Waldo　drove　on　slowly　in　the　grey　dawn

light　along　the　level　road。　　They　passed　the　very　milk…bush　behind　which　so

many　years　before　the　old　German　had　found　the　Kaffer　woman。　　But　their

thoughts　were　not　with　him　that　morning：　　they　were　the　thoughts　of　the

young；　that　run　out　to　meet　the　future；　and　labour　in　the　present。　　At　last

he　touched　her　arm。



〃What　is　it？〃



〃I　feared　you　had　gone　to　sleep　and　might　be　jolted　out；〃　he　said；　〃you　sat

so　quietly。〃



〃No；　do　not　talk　to　me；　I　am　not　asleep；〃　but　after　a　time　she　said

suddenly：　　〃It　must　be　a　terrible　thing　to　bring　a　human　being　into　the

world。〃



Waldo　looked　round；　she　sat　drawn　into　the　corner；　her　blue　cloud　wound

tightly　about　her；　and　she　still　watched　the　horses'　feet。　　Having　no

comment　to　offer　on　her　somewhat　unexpected　remark；　he　merely　touched　up

his　horses。



〃I　have　no　conscience；　none；〃　she　added；　〃but　I　would　not　like　to　bring　a

soul　into　this　world。　　When　it　sinned　and　when　it　suffered　something　like　a

dead　hand　would　fall　on　me'You　did　it；　you；　for　your　own　pleasure　you

created　this　thing！　　See　your　work！'　　If　it　lived　to　be　eighty　it　would

always　hang　like　a　millstone　round　my　neck；　have　the　right　to　demand　good

from　me；　and　curse　me　for　its　sorrow。　　A　parent　is　only　like　to　Godif　his

work　turns　out　bad；　so　much　the　worse　for　him；　he　dare　not　wash　his　hands

of　it。　　Time　and　years　can　never　bring　the　day　when　you　can　say　to　your

child：　　'Soul；　what　have　I　to　do　with　you？'〃



Waldo　said　dreamingly：



〃It　is　a　marvellous　thing　that　one　soul　should　have　power　to　cause

another。〃



She　heard　the　words　as　she　heard　the　beating　of　the　horses'　hoofs；　her

thoughts　ran　on　in　their　own　line。



〃They　say；　'God　sends　the　little　babies。'　　Of　all　the　dastardly　revolting

lies　men　tell　to　suit　themselves；　I　hate　that　most。　　I　suppose　my　father

said　so　when　he　knew　he　was　dying　of　consumption；　and　my　mother　when　she

knew　she　had　nothing　to　support　me　on；　and　they　created　me　to　feed　like　a

dog　from　stranger　hands。　　Men　do　not　say　God　sends　the　books；　or　the

newspaper　articles；　or　the　machines　they　make；　and　then　sigh；　and　shrug

their　shoulders　and　say　they　can't　help　it。　　Why　do　they　say　so　about　other

things？　　Liars！　　'God　sends　the　little　babies！'〃　　She　struck　her　foot

fretfully　against　the　splashboard。　　〃The　small　children　say　so　earnestly。　

They　touch　the　little　stranger　reverently　who　has　just　come　from　God's　far

country；　and　they　peep　about　the　room　to　see　if　not　one　white　feather　has

dropped　from　the　wing　of　the　angel　that　brought　him。　　On　their　lips　the

phrase　means　much；　on　all　others　it　is　a　deliberate　lie。　　Noticeable；　too；〃

she　said；　dropping　in　an　instant　from　the　passionate　into　a　low；　mocking

tone；　〃when　people　are　married；　though　they　should　have　sixty　children；

they　throw　the　whole　onus　on　God。　　When　they　are　not；　we　hear　nothing　about

God's　having　sent　them。　　When　there　has　been　no　legal　contract　between　the

parents；　who　sends　the　little　children　then？　　The　devil　perhaps！〃　　She

laughed　her　little　silvery；　mocking　laugh。　　〃Odd　that　some　men　should　come

from　hell　and　some　from　heaven；　and　yet　all　look　so　much　alike　when　they

get　here。〃



Waldo　wondered　at　her。　　He　had　not　the　key　to　her　thoughts；　and　did　not　see

the　string　on　which　they　were　strung。　　She　drew　her　cloud　tighter　about

her。



〃It　must　be　very　nice　to　believe　in　the　devil；〃　she　said；　〃I　wish　I　did。　

If　it　would　be　of　any　use　I　would　pray　three　hours　night　and　morning　on　my

bare　knees；　'God；　let　me　believe　in　Satan。'　　He　is　so　useful　to　those

people　who　do。　　They　may　be　as　selfish　and　as　sensual　as　they　please；　and；

between　God's　will　and　the　devil's　action；　always　have　some　one　to　throw

their　sin　on。　　But　we；　wretched　unbelievers；　we　bear　our　own　burdens：　　we

must　say；　'I　myself　did　it；　I。　　Not　God；　not　Satan；　I　myself！'　　That　is　the

sting　that　strikes　deep。　　Waldo；〃　she　said　gently；　with　a　sudden　and

complete　change　of　manner；　〃I　like　you　so　much；　I　love　you。〃　　She　rested

her　cheek　softly　against　his　shoulder。　　〃When　I　am　with　you　I　never　know

that　I　am　a　woman　and　you　are　a　man；　I　only　know　that　we　are　both　things

that　think。　　Other　men　when　I　am　with　them；　whether　I　love　them　or　not；

they　are　mere　bodies　to　me；　but　you　are　a　spirit；　I　like　you。　　Look；〃　she

said　quickly；　sinking　back　into　her　corner；　〃what　a　pretty　pinkness　there

is　on　all　the　hilltops！　　The　sun　will　rise　in　a　moment。〃



Waldo　lifted　his　eyes　to　look　round　over　the　circle　of　golden　hills；　and

the　horses；　as　the　first　sunbeams　touched　them；　shook　their　heads　and

champed　their　bright　bits；　till　the　brass　settings　in　their　harness

glittered　again