the uncommercial traveller-第29部分

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have　been　bricked　up；　and　the　service　books　are　musty；　and　the

pulpit　cushions　are　threadbare；　and　the　whole　of　the　church

furniture　is　in　a　very　advanced　stage　of　exhaustion。　　We　are　three

old　women　（habitual）；　two　young　lovers　（accidental）；　two　tradesmen；

one　with　a　wife　and　one　alone；　an　aunt　and　nephew；　again　two　girls

（these　two　girls　dressed　out　for　church　with　everything　about　them

limp　that　should　be　stiff；　and　VICE　VERSA；　are　an　invariable

experience）；　and　three　sniggering　boys。　　The　clergyman　is；　perhaps；

the　chaplain　of　a　civic　company；　he　has　the　moist　and　vinous　look；

and　eke　the　bulbous　boots；　of　one　acquainted　with　'Twenty　port；　and

comet　vintages。



We　are　so　quiet　in　our　dulness　that　the　three　sniggering　boys；　who

have　got　away　into　a　corner　by　the　altar…railing；　give　us　a　start；

like　crackers；　whenever　they　laugh。　　And　this　reminds　me　of　my　own

village　church　where；　during　sermon…time　on　bright　Sundays　when　the

birds　are　very　musical　indeed；　farmers'　boys　patter　out　over　the

stone　pavement；　and　the　clerk　steps　out　from　his　desk　after　them；

and　is　distinctly　heard　in　the　summer　repose　to　pursue　and　punch

them　in　the　churchyard；　and　is　seen　to　return　with　a　meditative

countenance；　making　believe　that　nothing　of　the　sort　has　happened。

The　aunt　and　nephew　in　this　City　church　are　much　disturbed　by　the

sniggering　boys。　　The　nephew　is　himself　a　boy；　and　the　sniggerers

tempt　him　to　secular　thoughts　of　marbles　and　string；　by　secretly

offering　such　commodities　to　his　distant　contemplation。　　This　young

Saint　Anthony　for　a　while　resists；　but　presently　becomes　a

backslider；　and　in　dumb　show　defies　the　sniggerers　to　'heave'　a

marble　or　two　in　his　direction。　　Here　in　he　is　detected　by　the　aunt

（a　rigorous　reduced　gentlewoman　who　has　the　charge　of　offices）；　and

I　perceive　that　worthy　relative　to　poke　him　in　the　side；　with　the

corrugated　hooked　handle　of　an　ancient　umbrella。　　The　nephew

revenges　himself　for　this；　by　holding　his　breath　and　terrifying　his

kinswoman　with　the　dread　belief　that　he　has　made　up　his　mind　to

burst。　　Regardless　of　whispers　and　shakes；　he　swells　and　becomes

discoloured；　and　yet　again　swells　and　becomes　discoloured；　until

the　aunt　can　bear　it　no　longer；　but　leads　him　out；　with　no　visible

neck；　and　with　his　eyes　going　before　him　like　a　prawn's。　　This

causes　the　sniggerers　to　regard　flight　as　an　eligible　move；　and　I

know　which　of　them　will　go　out　first；　because　of　the　over…devout

attention　that　he　suddenly　concentrates　on　the　clergyman。　　In　a

little　while；　this　hypocrite；　with　an　elaborate　demonstration　of

hushing　his　footsteps；　and　with　a　face　generally　expressive　of

having　until　now　forgotten　a　religious　appointment　elsewhere；　is

gone。　　Number　two　gets　out　in　the　same　way；　but　rather　quicker。

Number　three　getting　safely　to　the　door；　there　turns　reckless；　and

banging　it　open；　flies　forth　with　a　Whoop！　that　vibrates　to　the　top

of　the　tower　above　us。



The　clergyman；　who　is　of　a　prandial　presence　and　a　muffled　voice；

may　be　scant　of　hearing　as　well　as　of　breath；　but　he　only　glances

up；　as　having　an　idea　that　somebody　has　said　Amen　in　a　wrong　place；

and　continues　his　steady　jog…trot；　like　a　farmer's　wife　going　to

market。　　He　does　all　he　has　to　do；　in　the　same　easy　way；　and　gives

us　a　concise　sermon；　still　like　the　jog…trot　of　the　farmer's　wife

on　a　level　road。　　Its　drowsy　cadence　soon　lulls　the　three　old　women

asleep；　and　the　unmarried　tradesman　sits　looking　out　at　window；　and

the　married　tradesman　sits　looking　at　his　wife's　bonnet；　and　the

lovers　sit　looking　at　one　another；　so　superlatively　happy；　that　I

mind　when　I；　turned　of　eighteen；　went　with　my　Angelica　to　a　City

church　on　account　of　a　shower　（by　this　special　coincidence　that　it

was　in　Huggin…lane）；　and　when　I　said　to　my　Angelica；　'Let　the

blessed　event；　Angelica；　occur　at　no　altar　but　this！'　and　when　my

Angelica　consented　that　it　should　occur　at　no　other　…　which　it

certainly　never　did；　for　it　never　occurred　anywhere。　　And　O；

Angelica；　what　has　become　of　you；　this　present　Sunday　morning　when

I　can't　attend　to　the　sermon；　and；　more　difficult　question　than

that；　what　has　become　of　Me　as　I　was　when　I　sat　by　your　side！



But；　we　receive　the　signal　to　make　that　unanimous　dive　which　surely

is　a　little　conventional　…　like　the　strange　rustlings　and　settlings

and　clearings　of　throats　and　noses；　which　are　never　dispensed　with；

at　certain　points　of　the　Church　service；　and　are　never　held　to　be

necessary　under　any　other　circumstances。　　In　a　minute　more　it　is

all　over；　and　the　organ　expresses　itself　to　be　as　glad　of　it　as　it

can　be　of　anything　in　its　rheumatic　state；　and　in　another　minute　we

are　all　of　us　out　of　the　church；　and　Whity…brown　has　locked　it　up。

Another　minute　or　little　more；　and；　in　the　neighbouring　churchyard

…　not　the　yard　of　that　church；　but　of　another　…　a　churchyard　like　a

great　shabby　old　mignonette　box；　with　two　trees　in　it　and　one　tomb

…　I　meet　Whity…brown；　in　his　private　capacity；　fetching　a　pint　of

beer　for　his　dinner　from　the　public…house　in　the　corner；　where　the

keys　of　the　rotting　fire…ladders　are　kept　and　were　never　asked　for；

and　where　there　is　a　ragged；　white…seamed；　out…at…elbowed　bagatelle

board　on　the　first　floor。



In　one　of　these　City　churches；　and　only　in　one；　I　found　an

individual　who　might　have　been　claimed　as　expressly　a　City

personage。　　I　remember　the　church；　by　the　feature　that　the

clergyman　couldn't　get　to　his　own　desk　without　going　through　the

clerk's；　or　couldn't　get　to　the　pulpit　without　going　through　the

reading…desk　…　I　forget　which；　and　it　is　no　matter　…　and　by　the

presence　of　this　personage　among　the　exceedingly　sparse

congregation。　　I　doubt　if　we　were　a　dozen；　and　we　had　no　exhausted

charity　school　to　help　us　out。　　The　personage　was　dressed　in　black

of　square　cut；　and　was　stricken　in　years；　and　wore　a　black　velvet

cap；　and　cloth　shoes。　　He　was　of　a　staid；　wealthy；　and　dissatisfied

aspect。　　In　his　hand；　he　conducted　to　church　a　mysterious　child：　　a

child　of　the　feminine　gender。　　The　child　had　a　beaver　hat；　with　a

stiff　drab　plume　that　surely　never　belonged　to　any　bird　of　the　air。

The　child　was　further　attired　in　a　nankeen　frock　and　spencer；　brown

boxing…gloves；　and　a　veil。　　It　had　a　blemish；　in　the　nature　of

currant　jelly；　on　its　chin；　and　was　a　thirsty　child。　　Insomuch　that

the　personage　carried　in　his　pocket　a　green　bottle；　from　which；

when　the　first　psalm　was　given　out；　the　child　was　openly　refreshed。

At　all　other　times　throughout　the　service　it　was　motionless；　and

stood　on　the　seat　of　the　large　pew；　closely　fitted　into　the　corner；

like　a　rain…water　pipe。



The　personage　never　opened　his　book；　and　never　looked　at　the

clergyman。　　He　never　sat　down　either；　but　stood　with　his　arms

leaning　on　the　top　of　the　pew；　and　his　forehead　sometimes　shaded

with　his　right　hand；　always　looking　at　the　church　door。　　It　was　a

long　church　for　a　church　of　its　size；　and　he　was　at　the　upper　end；

but　he　always　looked