the story of an african farm-第63部分

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〃Dear　old　man；　good　old　man；　I　am　so　tired！〃　she　said　（for　we　will　come　to

the　dead　to　tell　secrets　we　would　never　have　told　to　the　living）。　　I　am　so

tired。　　There　is　light；　there　is　warmth；〃　she　wailed；　〃why　am　I　alone；　so

hard；　so　cold？　　I　am　so　weary　of　myself！　　It　is　eating　my　soul　to　its　core…

…self；　self；　self！　　I　cannot　bear　this　life！　　I　cannot　breathe；　I　cannot

live！　　Will　nothing　free　me　from　myself？〃　　She　pressed　her　cheek　against

the　wooden　post。　　〃I　want　to　love！　　I　want　something　great　and　pure　to　lift

me　to　itself！　　Dear　old　man；　I　cannot　bear　it　any　more！　　I　am　so　cold；　so

hard；　so　hard；　will　no　one　help　me？〃



The　water　gathered　slowly　on　her　shawl；　and　fell　on　to　the　wet　stones；　but

she　lay　there　crying　bitterly。　　For　so　the　living　soul　will　cry　to　the

dead；　and　the　creature　to　its　God；　and　of　all　this　crying　there　comes

nothing。　　The　lifting　up　of　the　hands　brings　no　salvation；　redemption　is

from　within；　and　neither　from　God　nor　man；　it　is　wrought　out　by　the　soul

itself；　with　suffering　and　through　time。



Doss；　on　the　kitchen　doorstep；　shivered；　and　wondered　where　his　mistress

stayed　so　long；　and　once；　sitting　sadly　there　in　the　damp；　he　had　dropped

asleep；　and　dreamed　that　old　Otto　gave　him　a　piece　of　bread；　and　patted　him

on　the　head；　and　when　he　woke　his　teeth　chattered；　and　he　moved　to　another

stone　to　see　if　it　was　drier。　　At　last　he　heard　his　mistress'　step；　and

they　went　into　the　house　together。　　She　lit　a　candle；　and　walked　to　the

Boer…woman's　bedroom。　　On　a　nail　under　the　lady　in　pink　hung　the　key　of　the

wardrobe。　　She　took　it　down　and　opened　the　great　press。　　From　a　little

drawer　she　took　fifty　pounds　（all　she　had　in　the　world）；　relocked　the　door；

and　turned　to　hang　up　the　key。　　The　marks　of　tears　were　still　on　her　face；

but　she　smiled。　　Then　she　paused；　hesitated。



〃Fifty　pounds　for　a　lover！　　A　noble　reward！〃　she　said；　and　opened　the

wardrobe　and　returned　the　notes　to　the　drawer；　where　Em　might　find　them。



Once　in　her　own　room；　she　arranged　the　few　articles　she　intended　to　take

tomorrow；　burnt　her　old　letters；　and　then　went　back　to　the　front　room　to

look　at　the　time。　　There　were　two　hours　yet　before　she　must　call　him。　　She

sat　down　at　the　dressing…table　to　wait；　and　leaned　her　elbows　on　it；　and

buried　her　face　in　her　hands。　　The　glass　reflected　the　little　brown　head

with　its　even　parting；　and　the　tiny　hands　on　which　it　rested。　　〃One　day　I

will　love　something　utterly；　and　then　I　will　be　better；〃　she　said　once。　

Presently　she　looked　up。　　The　large；　dark　eyes　from　the　glass　looked　back

at　her。　　She　looked　deep　into　them。



〃We　are　all　alone；　you　and　I；〃　she　whispered；　〃no　one　helps　us；　no　one

understands　us；　but　we　will　help　ourselves。〃　　The　eyes　looked　back　at　her。

There　was　a　world　of　assurance　in　their　still　depths。　　So　they　had　looked

at　her　ever　since　she　could　remember；　when　it　was　but　a　small　child's　face

above　a　blue　pinafore。　　〃We　shall　never　be　quite　alone；　you　and　I；〃　she

said；　〃we　shall　always　be　together；　as　we　were　when　we　were　little。〃



The　beautiful　eyes　looked　into　the　depths　of　her　soul。



〃We　are　not　afraid；　we　will　help　ourselves！〃　she　said。　　She　stretched　out

her　hand　and　pressed　it　over　them　on　the　glass。　　〃Dear　eyes！　we　will　never

be　quite　alone　till　they　part　ustill　then！〃





Chapter　2。X。　　Gregory　Rose　Has　An　Idea。



Gregory　Rose　was　in　the　loft　putting　it　neat。　　Outside　the　rain　poured；　a

six　months'　drought　had　broken；　and　the　thirsty　plain　was　drenched　with

water。　　What　it　could　not　swallow　ran　off　in　mad　rivulets　to　the　great

sloot；　that　now　foamed　like　an　angry　river　across　the　flat。　　Even　the

little　furrow　between　the　farmhouse　and　the　kraals　was　now　a　stream；　knee…

deep；　which　almost　bore　away　the　Kaffer　women　who　crossed　it。　　It　had

rained　for　twenty…four　hours；　and　still　the　rain　poured　on。　　The　fowls　had

collecteda　melancholy　crowdin　and　about　the　wagon…house；　and　the

solitary　gander；　who　alone　had　survived　the　six　months'　want　of　water；

walked　hither　and　thither；　printing　his　webbed　footmarks　on　the　mud；　to

have　them　washed　out　the　next　instant　by　the　pelting　rain；　which　at　eleven

o'clock　still　beat　on　the　walls　and　roofs　with　unabated　ardour。



Gregory；　as　he　worked　in　the　loft；　took　no　notice　of　it　beyond　stuffing　a

sack　into　the　broken　pane　to　keep　it　out；　and；　in　spite　of　the　pelt　and

patter；　Em's　clear　voice　might　be　heard　through　the　open　trap…door　from　the

dining　room；　where　she　sat　at　work；　singing　the　〃Blue　Water：〃



〃And　take　me　away；

　And　take　me　away；

　And　take　me　away；

　To　the　Blue　Water〃



that　quaint；　childish　song　of　the　people；　that　has　a　world　of　sweetness；

and　sad；　vague　yearning　when　sung　over　and　over　dreamily　by　a　woman's　voice

as　she　sits　alone　at　her　work。



But　Gregory　heard　neither　that　nor　yet　the　loud　laughter　of　the　Kaffer

maids；　that　every　now　and　again　broke　through　from　the　kitchen；　where　they

joked　and　worked。　　Of　late　Gregory　had　grown　strangely　impervious　to　the

sounds　and　sights　about　him。　　His　lease　had　run　out；　but　Em　had　said；　〃Do

not　renew　it；　I　need　one　to　help　me；　just　stay　on。〃　　And；　she　had　added；

〃You　must　not　remain　in　your　own　little　house；　live　with　me；　you　can　look

after　my　ostriches　better　so。〃



And　Gregory　did　not　thank　her。　　What　difference　did　it　make　to　him；　paying

rent　or　not；　living　there　or　not；　it　was　all　one。　　But　yet　he　came。　　Em

wished　that　he　would　still　sometimes　talk　of　the　strength　of　the　master…

right　of　man；　but　Gregory　was　as　one　smitten　on　the　cheek…bone。



She　might　do　what　she　pleased；　he　would　find　no　fault；　had　no　word　to　say。

He　had　forgotten　that　it　is　man's　right　to　rule。　　On　that　rainy　morning　he

had　lighted　his　pipe　at　the　kitchen　fire；　and　when　breakfast　was　over　stood

in　the　front　door　watching　the　water　rush　down　the　road　till　the　pipe　died

out　in　his　mouth。　　Em　saw　she　must　do　something　for　him；　and　found　him　a

large　calico　duster。　　He　had　sometimes　talked　of　putting　the　loft　neat；　and

today　she　could　find　nothing　else　for　him　to　do。　　So　she　had　the　ladder　put

to　the　trap…door　that　he　need　not　go　out　in　the　wet；　and　Gregory　with　the

broom　and　duster　mounted　to　the　loft。　　Once　at　work　he　worked　hard。　　He

dusted　down　the　very　rafters；　and　cleaned　the　broken　candle…moulds　and　bent

forks　that　had　stuck　in　the　thatch　for　twenty　years。　　He　placed　the　black

bottles　neatly　in　rows　on　an　old　box　in　the　corner；　and　piled　the　skins　on

one　another；　and　sorted　the　rubbish　in　all　the　boxes；　and　at　eleven　o'clock

his　work　was　almost　done。　　He　seated　himself　on　the　packing…case　which　had

once　held　Waldo's　books；　and　proceeded　to　examine　the　contents　of　another

which　he　had　not　yet　looked　at。　　It　was　carelessly　nailed　down。　　He

loosened　one　plank；　and　began　to　lift　out　various　articles　of　female

attireold…fashioned　caps；　aprons；　dresses　with　long　pointed　bodies　such

as　he　remembered　to　have　seen　his　mother　wear　when　he　was　a　little　child。



He　shook　them　out　carefu