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the story of an african farm-第74部分
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She raised herself on her elbow。
〃They love life; they do not want to die;〃 she answered; 〃but what of that?
They have had their time。 They knew that a man's life is three…score years
and ten; they should have made their plans accordingly!
〃But the young;〃 she said; 〃the young; cut down; cruelly; when they have
not seen; when they have not knownwhen they have not foundit is for
them that the bells weep blood。 I heard in the ringing it was an old man。
When the old die Listen to the bell! it is laughing'It is right; it is
right; he has had his time。' They cannot ring so for the young。〃
She fell back exhausted; the hot light died from her eyes; and she lay
looking out into the street。 By and by stragglers from the funeral began
to come back and disappear here and there among the houses; then all was
quiet; and the night began to settle down upon the village street。
Afterward; when the room was almost dark; so that they could not see each
other's faces; she said; 〃It will rain tonight;〃 and moved restlessly on
the pillows。 〃How terrible when the rain falls down on you。〃
He wondered what she meant; and they sat on in the still darkening room。
She moved again。
〃Will you presently take my cloakand new grey cloak from behind the door…
…and go out with it。 You will find a little grave at the foot of the tall
gum…tree; the water drips off the long; pointed leaves; you must cover it
up with that。〃
She moved restlessly as though in pain。
Gregory assented; and there was silence again。 It was the first time she
had ever spoken of her child。
〃It was so small;〃 she said; 〃it lived such a little whileonly three
hours。 They laid it close by me; but I never saw it; I could feel it by
me。〃 She waited; 〃its feet were so cold; I took them in my hand to make
them warm; and my hand closed right over them they were so little。〃 There
was an uneven trembling in the voice。 〃It crept close to me; it wanted to
drink; it wanted to be warm。〃 She hardened herself〃I did not love it;
its father was not my prince; I did not care for it; but it was so little。〃
She moved her hand。 〃They might have kissed it; one of them; before they
put it in。 It never did any one any harm in all its little life。 They
might have kissed it; one of them。〃
Gregory felt that some one was sobbing in the room。
Late on in the evening; when the shutter was closed and the lamp lighted;
and the rain…drops beat on the roof; he took the cloak from behind the door
and went away with it。 On his way back he called at the village post…
office and brought back a letter。 In the hall he stood reading the
address。 How could he fail to know whose hand had written it? Had he not
long ago studied those characters on the torn fragments of paper in the old
parlour? A burning pain was at Gregory's heart。 If now; now at the last;
one should come; should step in between! He carried the letter into the
bedroom and gave it to her。 〃Bring me the lamp nearer;〃 she said。 When
she had read it she asked for her desk。
Then Gregory sat down in the lamp…light on the other side of the curtain;
and heard the pencil move on the paper。 When he looked round the curtain
she was lying on the pillow musing。 The open letter lay at her side; she
glanced at it with soft eyes。 The man with the languid eyelids must have
been strangely moved before his hand set down those words:
〃Let me come back to you! My darling; let me put my hand round you; and
guard you from all the world。 As my wife they shall never touch you。 I
have learnt to love you more wisely; more tenderly; than of old; you shall
have perfect freedom。 Lyndall; grand little woman; for your own sake be my
wife!
〃Why did you send that money back to me? You are cruel to me; it is not
rightly done。〃
She rolled the little red pencil softly between her fingers; and her face
grew very soft。 Yet:
〃It cannot be;〃 she wrote; 〃I thank you much for the love you have shown
me; but I cannot listen。 You will call me mad; foolishthe world would do
so; but I know what I need and the kind of path I must walk in。 I cannot
marry you。 I will always love you for the sake of what lay by me those
three hours; but there it ends。 I must know and see; I cannot be bound to
one whom I love as I love you。 I am not afraid of the worldI will fight
the world。 One dayperhaps it may be far offI shall find what I have
wanted all my life; something nobler; stronger than I; before which I can
kneel down。 You lose nothing by not having me now; I am a weak; selfish;
erring woman。 One day I shall find something to worship; and then I shall
be〃
〃Nurse;〃 she said; 〃take my desk away; I am suddenly so sleepy; I will
write more tomorrow。〃 She turned her face to the pillow; it was the sudden
drowsiness of great weakness。 She had dropped asleep in a moment; and
Gregory moved the desk softly; and then sat in the chair watching。 Hour
after hour passed; but he had no wish for rest; and sat on; hearing the
rain cease; and the still night settle down everywhere。 At a quarter…past
twelve he rose; and took a last look at the bed where she lay sleeping so
peacefully; then he turned to go to his couch。 Before he had reached the
door she had started up and was calling him back。
〃You are sure you have put it up?〃 she said; with a look of blank terror at
the window。 〃It will not fall open in the night; the shutteryou are
sure?〃
He comforted her。 Yes; it was tightly fastened。
〃Even if it is shut;〃 she said; in a whisper; 〃you cannot keep it out! You
feel it coming in at four o'clock; creeping; creeping; up; up; deadly
cold!〃 She shuddered。
He thought she was wandering; and laid her little trembling body down among
the blankets。
〃I dreamed just now that it was not put up;〃 she said; looking into his
eyes; 〃and it crept right in and I was alone with it。〃
〃What do you fear?〃 he asked; tenderly。
〃The Grey Dawn;〃 she said; glancing round at the window。 〃I was never
afraid of anything; never; when I was a little child; but I have always
been afraid of that。 You will not let it come in to me?〃
〃No; no; I will stay with you;〃 he continued。
But she was growing calmer。 〃No; you must go to bed。 I only awoke with a
start; you must be tired。 I am childish; that is all;〃 but she shivered
again。
He sat down beside her; after some time she said: 〃Will you not rub my
feet?〃
He knelt down at the foot of the bed and took the tiny foot in his hand; it
was swollen and unsightly now; but as he touched it he bent down and
covered it with kisses。
〃It makes it better when you kiss it; thank you。 What makes you all love
me so?〃 Then dreamily she muttered to herself: 〃Not utterly bad; not
quite badwhat makes them all love me so?〃
Kneeling there; rubbing softly; with his cheek pressed against the little
foot; Gregory dropped to sleep at last。 How long he knelt ther
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