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burlesques-第42部分
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palm…oil; or four healthy niggers; African currency)the shares of
this helegeble investment rose to 1; 2; 3; in the Markit。 A happy
man was Fred when; after paying down 100 ninepences (3L。 15s。); he
sold his shares for 250L。 He gave a dinner at the 'Star and
Garter' that very day。 I promise you there was no Marsally THERE。
〃Nex day they were up at 3 1/4。 This put Fred in a rage: they rose
to 5; he was in a fewry。 'What an ass I was to sell;' said he;
'when all this money was to be won!'
〃'And so you WERE an Ass;' said his partiklar friend; Colonel Claw;
K。X。R。; a director of the line; 'a double…eared Ass。 My dear
fellow; the shares will be at 15 next week。 Will you give me your
solemn word of honor not to breathe to mortal man what I am going
to tell you?'
〃'Honor bright;' says Fred。
〃'HUDSON HAS JOINED THE LINE。' Fred didn't say a word more; but
went tumbling down to the City in his Broom。 You know the state of
the streets。 Claw WENT BY WATER。
〃'Buy me one thousand Hafricans for the 30th;' cries Fred; busting
into his broker's; and they were done for him at 4 7/8。
。 。 。 。 。 。
〃Can't you guess the rest? Haven't you seen the Share List? which
says:
〃'Great Africans; paid 9d。; price 1/4 par。'
〃And that's what came of my pore dear friend Timmins's time…barging。
〃What'll become of him I can't say; for nobody has seen him since。
His lodgins in Jerming Street is to let。 His brokers in vain
deplores his absence。 His Uncle has declared his marriage with his
housekeeper; and the Morning Erald (that emusing print) has a
paragraf yesterday in the fashnabble news; headed 'Marriage in High
Life。The rich and beautiful Miss Mulligatawney; of Portland
Place; is to be speedily united to Colonel Claw; K。X。R。'
〃JEAMES。〃
JEAMES ON THE GAUGE QUESTION。
〃You will scarcely praps reckonize in this little skitch* the
haltered linimints of 1; with woos face the reders of your valluble
mislny were once fimiliar;the unfortnt Jeames de la Pluche; fomly
so selabrated in the fashnabble suckles; now the pore Jeames Plush;
landlord of the 'Wheel of Fortune' public house。 Yes; that is me;
that is my haypun which I wear as becomes a publicanthose is the
checkers which hornyment the pillows of my dor。 I am like the
Romin Genral; St。 Cenatus; equal to any emudgency of Fortun。 I;
who have drunk Shampang in my time; aint now abov droring a pint of
Small Bier。 As for my wifethat AngelI've not ventured to
depigt HER。 Fansy her a sittn in the Bar; smiling like a sunflower
and; ho; dear Punch! happy in nussing a deer little darlint
totsywotsy of a Jeames; with my air to a curl; and my i's to a T!
* This refers to an illustrated edition of the work。
〃I never thought I should have been injuiced to write anything but
a Bill agin; much less to edress you on Railway Subjixwhich with
all my sole I ABAW。 Railway letters; obbligations to pay hup;
ginteal inquirys as to my Salissator's name; &c。 &c。; I dispize and
scorn artily。 But as a man; an usbnd; a father; and a freebon
Brittn; my jewty compels me to come forwoods; and igspress my
opinion upon that NASHNAL NEWSANCEthe break of Gage。
〃An interesting ewent in a noble family with which I once very
nearly had the honor of being kinected; acurd a few weex sins; when
the Lady Angelina S; daughter of the Earl of Bcres;
presented the gallant Capting; her usband; with a Son & hair。
Nothink would satasfy her Ladyship but that her old and attacht
famdyshamber; my wife Mary Hann Plush; should be presnt upon this
hospicious occasion。 Captain S was not jellus of me on account
of my former attachment to his Lady。 I cunsented that my Mary Hann
should attend her; and me; my wife; and our dear babby acawdingly
set out for our noable frend's residence; Honeymoon Lodge; near
Cheltenham。
〃Sick of all Railroads myself; I wisht to poast it in a Chay and 4;
but Mary Hann; with the hobstenacy of her Sex; was bent upon
Railroad travelling; and I yealded; like all husbinds。 We set out
by the Great Westn; in an eavle Hour。
〃We didnt take much luggitchmy wife's things in the ushal
bandboxesmine in a potmancho。 Our dear little James Angelo's
(called so in complament to his noble Godmamma) craddle; and a
small supply of a few 100 weight of Topsanbawtems; Farinashious
food; and Lady's fingers; for that dear child; who is now 6 months
old; with a PERDIDGUS APPATITE。 Likewise we were charged with
a bran new Medsan chest for my lady; from Skivary & Morris;
containing enough Rewbub; Daffy's Alixir; Godfrey's cawdle; with
a few score of parsles for Lady Hangelina's family and owsehold:
about 2000 spessymins of Babby linning from Mrs。 Flummary's in
Regent Street; a Chayny Cresning bowl from old Lady Bareacres (big
enough to immus a Halderman); & a case marked 'Glass;' from her
ladyship's meddicle man; which were stowed away together; had to
this an ormylew Cradle; with rose…colored Satting & Pink lace
hangings; held up by a gold tuttle…dove; &c。 We had; ingluding
James Hangelo's rattle & my umbrellow; 73 packidges in all。
〃We got on very well as far as Swindon; where; in the Splendid
Refreshment room; there was a galaxy of lovely gals in cottn velvet
spencers; who serves out the soop; and 1 of whom maid an impresshn
upon this Art which I shoodn't like Mary Hann to knowand here; to
our infanit disgust; we changed carridges。 I forgot to say that we
were in the seeknd class; having with us James Hangelo; and 23
other light harticles。
〃Fust inconveniance: and almost as bad as break of gage。 I cast my
hi upon the gal in cottn velvet; and wanted some soop; of coarse;
but seasing up James Hangelo (who was layin his dear little pors on
an Am Sangwidg) and seeing my igspresshn of hi'James;' says Mary
Hann; 'instead of looking at that young ladyand not so VERY young
neitherbe pleased to look to our packidges; & place them in the
other carridge。' I did so with an evy Art。 I eranged them 23
articles in the opsit carridg; only missing my umberella & baby's
rattle; and jest as I came back for my baysn of soop; the beast of
a bell rings; the whizzling injians proclayms the time of our
departure;& farewell soop and cottn velvet。 Mary Hann was sulky。
She said it was my losing the umberella。 If it had been a COTTON
VELVET UMBERELLA I could have understood。 James Hangelo sittn on
my knee was evidently unwell; without his coral: & for 20 miles
that blessid babby kep up a rawring; which caused all the
passingers to simpithize with him igseedingly。
〃We arrive at Gloster; and there fansy my disgust at bein ableeged
to undergo another change of carridges! Fansy me holding up
moughs; tippits; cloaks; and baskits; and James Hangelo rawring
still like mad; and pretending to shuperintend the carrying over of
our luggage from the broad gage to the narrow gage。 'Mary Hann;'
sa
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