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the story of an african farm-第61部分
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delicately pencilled; drooping eyelids。 One white hand plays thoughtfully
with a heavy flaxen moustache; yet; once he starts; and for an instant the
languid lids raise themselves; there is a keen; intent look upon the face
as he listens for something。 Then he leans back in his chair; fills his
glass from the silver flask in his bag; and resumes his old posture。
Presently the door opens noiselessly。 It is Lyndall; followed by Doss。
Quietly as she enters; he hears her; and turns。
〃I thought you were not coming。〃
〃I waited till all had gone to bed。 I could not come before。〃
She removed the shawl that enveloped her; and the stranger rose to offer
her his chair; but she took her seat on a low pile of sacks before the
window。
〃I hardly see why I should be outlawed after this fashion;〃 he said;
reseating himself and drawing his chair a little nearer to her; 〃these are
hardly the quarters one expects to find after travelling a hundred miles in
answer to an invitation。〃
〃I said; 'Come if you wish。'〃
〃And I did wish。 You give me a cold reception。〃
〃I could not take you to the house。 Questions would be asked which I could
not answer without prevarication。〃
〃Your conscience is growing to have a certain virgin tenderness;〃 he said;
in a low; melodious voice。
〃I have no conscience。 I spoke one deliberate lie this evening。 I said
the man who had come looked rough; we had best not have him in the house;
therefore I brought him here。 It was a deliberate lie; and I hate lies。 I
tell them if I must; but they hurt me。〃
〃Well; you do not tell lies to yourself; at all events。 You are candid; so
far。〃
She interrupted him。
〃You got my short letter?〃
〃Yes; that is why I come。 You sent a very foolish reply; you must take it
back。 Who is this fellow you talk of marrying?〃
〃A young farmer。〃
〃Lives here?〃
〃Yes; he has gone to town to get things for our wedding。〃
〃What kind of a fellow is he?〃
〃A fool。〃
〃And you would rather marry him than me?〃
〃Yes; because you are not one。〃
〃That is a novel reason for refusing to marry a man;〃 he said; leaning his
elbow on the table and watching her keenly。
〃It is a wise one;〃 she said shortly。 〃If I marry him I shall shake him
off my hand when it suits me。 If I remained with him for twelve months he
would never have dared to kiss my hand。 As far as I wish he should come;
he comes; and no further。 Would you ask me what you might and what you
might not do?〃
Her companion raised the moustache with a caressing movement from his lip
and smiled。 It was not a question that stood in need of any answer。
〃Why do you wish to enter on this semblance of marriage?〃
〃Because there is only one point on which I have a conscience。 I have told
you so。〃
〃Then why not marry me?〃
〃Because if once you have me you would hold me fast。 I shall never be free
again。〃 She drew a long; low breath。
〃What have you done with the ring I gave you?〃 he said。
〃Sometimes I wear it; then I take it off and wish to throw it into the
fire; the next day I put it on again; and sometimes I kiss it。〃
〃So you do love me a little?〃
〃If you were not something more to me than any other man in the world; do
you think〃 She paused。 〃I love you when I see you; but when you are
away from me I hate you。〃
〃Then I fear I must be singularly invisible at the present moment;〃 he
said。 Possibly if you were to look less fixedly into the fire you might
perceive me。〃
He moved his chair slightly; so as to come between her and the firelight。
She raised her eyes to his face。
〃If you do love me;〃 he asked her; 〃why will you not marry me?〃
〃Because; if I had been married to you for a year I should have come to my
senses and seen that your hands and your voice are like the hands and the
voice of any other man。 I cannot quite see that now。 But it is all
madness。 You call into activity one part of my nature; there is a higher
part that you know nothing of; that you never touch。 If I married you;
afterward it would arise and assert itself; and I should hate you always;
as I do now sometimes。〃
〃I like you when you grow metaphysical and analytical;〃 he said; leaning
his face upon his hand。 〃Go a little further in your analysis; say; 'I
love you with the right ventricle of my heart; but not the left; and with
the left auricle of my heart; but not the right; and; this being the case;
my affection for you is not of a duly elevated; intellectual and spiritual
nature。' I like you when you get philosophical。〃
She looked quietly at him; he was trying to turn her own weapons against
her。
〃You are acting foolishly; Lyndall;〃 he said; suddenly changing his manner;
and speaking earnestly; 〃most foolishly。 You are acting like a little
child; I am surprised at you。 It is all very well to have ideals and
theories; but you know as well as any one can that they must not be carried
into the practical world。 I love you。 I do not pretend that it is in any
high; superhuman sense; I do not say that I should like you as well if you
were ugly and deformed; or that I should continue to prize you whatever
your treatment of me might be; or to love you though you were a spirit
without any body at all。 That is sentimentality for beardless boys。 Every
one not a mere child (and you are not a child; except in years) knows what
love between a man and a woman means。 I love you with that love。 I should
not have believed it possible that I could have brought myself twice to ask
of any woman to be my wife; more especially one without wealth; without
position; and who〃
〃Yesgo on。 Do not grow sorry for me。 Say what you were going to'who
has put herself into my power; and who has lost the right of meeting me on
equal terms。' Say what you think。 At least we two may speak the truth to
one another。〃
Then she added after a pause:
〃I believe you do love me; as much as you possibly could love anything; and
I believe that when you ask me to marry you you are performing the most
generous act you ever have performed in the course of your life; or ever
will; but; at the same time; if I had required your generosity; it would
not have been shown me。 If; when I got your letter a month ago; hinting at
your willingness to marry me; I had at once written; imploring you to come;
you would have read the letter。 'Poor little devil!' you would have said;
and tore it up。 The next week you would have sailed for Europe; and have
sent me a check for a hundred and fifty pounds (which I would have thrown
in the fire); and I would have heard no more of you。〃
The stranger smiled。
〃But because I declined your proposal; and wrote that in three weeks I
should be married to another; then what you call love woke up。 Your man's
love is a child's love for butterflies。 You follow till you have the
thing; and bre
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